So i have four more sleeps till i leave for Canada and one more sleep till my birthday.. and on this day before my birthday, my Nana Gwen passed away.. i still can't believe she wont be at my party tomorrow night, i can't believe she wont be sitting with a glass of wine or Baileys in her hand, getting herself into some kind of trouble, laughing like she does.. she is certainly going to be missed greatly, she was such a fantastic woman..

Its weird, i've been thinking all day about death, and how i would prefer to die.. would i like to just die suddenly or get sick and know i'm going to die, therefore allowing me time to say my goodbyes and for people to say goodbye to me.. i think i would prefer suddenly, i'm impatient enough with life at times, so when it comes to death i would probably go crazy.. but it would be nice to say goodbye to all those i love and care about.. tough choice, glad its one i dont get to make...

i think the hardest thing to grasp inside my head is that i can't say goodbye, i can't give her one last hug and i dont get to go to the funeral.. but on the other hand, i hate funerals and i have my memories, and such great memories they are..

i love ya, and will miss ya Nana Gwen