It has been forever since I last wrote something in this thing, I always think to myself that I should but then I never do.. I'm so good at making excuses, but no more excuses.. so an update on my life as it goes right now...

So I've been in Canada, as a Permanent Resident, living with Bill for over 2 months now.. things have mostly been great, and he is great and his love for me is endless.. he puts up with all my blah days and me being a bitch and everything else.. but then again I put up with everything too.. so i guess it's give and take.. It's nice to come home to each other and wake up with each other and not have to worry about time running out.. we laugh and smile and are happy :o)

But happiness comes with a price, not that I am complaining, I'm simply just writing about life as it is right now.. lol so i can re-read this one day and laugh at my stupidness

So I've been here for over two months now and my life isn't exactly what I had imagined, I got here fine and got through immigration and all that fun stuff.. all my bags and belongings arrived safely and Bill was at the airport waiting.. it was nice, and it wasn't as hard leaving home as it sometimes is, which was weird considering this time I don't know when I'll be back in Aus.. but as I said to myself and everyone else.. I was ready, I had been waiting, it was time to go and start my life with Bill..

lol so fast forward two weeks and I managed to crash my car, technically it was my fault (and I got charged with careless driving to prove it) but I can't really do much with a car that wont stop and just slides on the wet road other then learn a lesson about driving in the rain... and on the upside, it could have been alot worse and I could have been hurt more then a few scratches and bruises... but it took this to happen to make me realise where I was and what I was doing, and how far away from home I was and how even though things are the same, they are far from the same.. *commence mindfreak*

and since then I have certainly had my ups and downs...

I didn't have a car for a few weeks which took away my independence some what but I got through it (just)... but on the upside, i got a new car and its so nice :o) and i became quite domestic.. my cooking skills are progressing nicely!!!

I don't have a job yet.. and this is my own fault, well I guess some of it just can't be helped.. see I'm fussy and picky and have no idea what kind of job to get.. oh and I can't comprehend working for like 10 bucks an hour.. I made more then that when i was 16.. however during this time I applied to the Ontario College of Teachers, and decided to wait and hear from them to find out if i can teach in Canada and finally, as of today, I was accepted and am now registered, so now I can start the process of getting on a school board and hopefully get back into teaching... not really an upside on this one, it just means more waiting.. but I have been working doing odd things here and there... I made a vegetable garden and things are growing, I cut the grass and help with all the farm stuff and babysit and have done some demolition and construction, I make enough money here and there to get by and pay my bills so it's not all that bad..

I also often feel like I don't fit in, why? - I'm not really sure, it's just the way I feel, I think it borders on "thinking differently" to the people around me and thats just because life where I am from and where I am now, is very different...

... however my biggest challenge is not really having any friends here, my friendship network in Aus is something I cherish and love and hope I never have to live without, we just understand each other and its easy... I find it hard not having this here, I am used to going for coffee and out for lunches and dinners and everything else, I do have Bill (and his friends who are now our friends) and he tries his best but when I feel like crap and am missing home I find it hard to discuss this with him because it makes him feel bad because he is the reason I am here and having to miss home, so he says "sorry" like he has done something bad.. and it hurts me when he thinks like that so its a "suck it up princess" moment and I deal with it, lol probably not as well as I think I do but I try..

So filling in my days can get tricky and can often leave me feeling quite useless and frustrated and a million other things... especially when everyone else already has this life they just continue with, while I struggle with getting mine together.. I often find things which should be straight forward confusing and there is alot I just dont understand...

so I guess it is hard trying to start a new life, but I am getting there and I am making the most of it and look forward to what the next couple of months hold.